We’re All A Little “Insecure”


SPOILER ALERT: If you are not yet caught up on the show or have not started it yet, this post contains spoilers. Everyone else, please continue ūüôā

Insecure¬†has captivated me. The release of this show just further reminded me how absent authentic Black characters are from mainstream television. It is a breath of fresh air from all of the reality shows depicting petty drama, forcing us to watch 20 year old reruns of Martin just for a little comedy. Issa Rae only served us 8 episodes of Insecure so far (thankfully, we’re getting a season 2), but she managed to develop very complex and multi-dimensional characters in such a¬†short season.¬†8 episodes, 30 minutes each, and I easily feel like I thoroughly know them all. Each of the main characters are relatable in some way, and most of us have been either Issa, Molly or Lawrence at some point in our lives. One of the main themes in the show is the relationship between Issa and Lawrence. The show begins and it is the morning of her 29th birthday.¬†While she was on Facebook looking over her “happy birthday” posts, she gets a message from a guy named Daniel wishing her a happy birthday and her face lights up like a Christmas tree. I had not yet noticed Lawrence lying in bed behind her, sound asleep.¬†Without knowing it, we are almost immediately introduced to the temptation she will face for almost the entire season. Her lack of fulfillment is obvious. tumblr_of6io5hbnm1swms2fo4_400She often complains to her best friend Molly about how boring their relationship is and how she is exhausted from carrying the emotional and financial weight of it all. Lawrence is out of work after his app failed, and mostly sits around the house in dingy sweatpants complaining about his bad luck with interviewing. To add to Issa’s growing resentment of him, he forgets her birthday. After 5 years and no growth as a couple, she was basically over it. If you want to create a perfect recipe to push¬†your woman to the next D, do all of the things that Lawrence was doing. Unlike men, the majority of women who may have cheated did not do so just for sh*ts and giggles. There is no¬†thrill of the chase, no sliding in DM’s just because its Monday. Emotional needs aren’t being met. Justifying cheating is not what I’m trying to do;¬†I’m talking about causation, not morals. How well did Issa communicate her needs and concerns to Lawrence? Not very well. She had numerous opportunities to elaborate on what she told him the night she and Molly went to the open mic. You really can’t tell someone how you don’t intend to spend the rest of your life sitting on the couch with them, leave for 2 days then come home acting like that whole conversation never happened in a matter of hours. By this point, Issa’s main concern is Issa. She has vowed to begin giving zero f*cks¬†and to start killing it at work. She did not have much concern for strengthening her relationship, but realizes she still loves Lawrence nonetheless, so she continues going through the motions of it all. After Issa and Daniel had their almost hookup after the open mic, I figured he was pretty much out of the picture. He was completely thrown off by the word “relationship” coming out of her mouth, so I thought that was a wrap. I should ¬†have known better, considering they chose to bring up how Issa has always had a weakness for him. Although Issa was vulnerable to cheating due to the fragile state of her relationship, I also do not fully believe she would have turned Daniel down, regardless of how things were with Lawrence. The one that got away is now back in your life and showing interest in you. You have shared history to pull from, allowing you to reconnect, and it would just feel right. She subconsciously placed herself in a compromising position, and the cheating commenced.¬†


Issa wasn’t the only one in the relationship faced with temptation. While she was ignoring Lawrence and complaining about his lack of a job, the bank teller Tasha was uplifting him at every turn. Pretty face, bubbling personality and boobs to die for were there waiting for him every time he went to deposit his unemployment check. She joined him for lunch, and came to his job at Best Buy showing him how good she looks when she isn’t dressed in her work clothes. Tasha was putting herself out there with no shame. No matter when or where they were interacting, Lawrence never once acted inappropriately. It was more than obvious that Tasha had an interest in him, yet he politely told her he had a girlfriend. Major respect for Lawrence. Despite his flaws, he¬†was 100% committed to Issa. He¬†was¬†too comfortable in their way of life to realize that the relationship was densely clouded with communication issues. He was genuinely taken aback when Issa essentially told him that he was boring and that their relationship was boring as well. tumblr_oh0w6502ys1rxovx9o1_400She did not do him any favors by waiting until she was fed up to express any concerns.¬†He never noticed anything to be wrong, but¬†sometimes we cannot¬†see past our own set of problems. Lawrence was feeling extremely discouraged after his app failed and continuously passed over for jobs after several interviews. He was watching his friends’ careers take off while he was living off unemployment checks and his dwindling savings account. As a man, his ego had taken several L’s. No one wants to fail. No man wants to put himself through college and amass all of this debt just to watch his woman take care of them both. His pride was clearly damaged when he had to go and work at Best Buy. While Issa congratulated him, Tasha from the bank acted as if he had just landed a job at NASA. Her support for Lawrence was unwavering and seemingly unconditional, so it made perfect sense that she would be the one he rebounded with after Issa crushed his soul. I was kind of curious as to when they exchanged numbers, because I would have thought that to be a very important interaction.¬†

Was Lawrence Wrong?

Twitter has had a very interesting reaction to the finale of Insecure, and the men and women (not surprisingly) are taking opposite sides. The men are cheering Lawrence on as if this is their version of Lemonade, and many women think he took it too far. As a reminder, while Issa was out of town for Kelli’s birthday, Lawrence calls and tells her he misses her. He wants to talk when she gets back. Issa leaves right away, with Molly eventually deciding to drive her home. She walks in and sees Lawrence’s keys on the counter and you can see the hope spark in her eye. As she walks into the bedroom, it takes a moment for her to register what she is seeing. Lawrence’s pillow is gone and so are all of his items off the nightstand. She looks over to the closet and sees that all of his clothes are gone, except for his Best Buy t-shirt. Strong statement or nah? He essentially left Issa and the old him behind, the Best Buy shirt reminding her that the growth she so desperately wanted from him will not be something she gets to experience.¬†This is my take on Lawrence’s Revenge: he was not wrong for sleeping with Tasha. He was a single man. While him luring Issa home under the premise of having a conversation seemed harsh, I get it. He was hurt, and he knew how much it would hurt her to come home only to have her hopes painfully dashed. It was behavior I did not expect from Lawrence, especially after hearing how unimpressed he seemed hearing about his friends’ profane exploits and thoughts on Black women. By using Tasha as a rebound, he¬†personified the lifestyle his friends were bragging about. Rebounds never work out, and now he has used someone who is genuinely interested in¬†him just to soothe his ego and enact his revenge on Issa. But you know what they say: “hurt people, hurt people.” Lawrence is a perfect example of that.tumblr_ohd2541dd41qm5jggo1_1280 What makes Insecure such a good show is the realness of it all. He did what any man would have done. When it comes to love, sex and infidelity, people rarely take the high road. The double standard men have with cheating is that it is fine as long as they are doing the cheating. If the roles are reversed and they are the one who was cheated on, rarely are men forgiving. They have very fragile egos, and most can’t take that kind of betrayal. What Issa’s tryst with Daniel also showed us is how vilified women are if they ever make a mistake and step out of their relationship. Most of us watch Ghost cheat on Tasha every Sunday on Power, yet he does not face the same backlash. I could name countless examples. Women who cheat often face the ultimate punishment and rarely have any sympathizers. We are faced to wear some type of Scarlet Letter for eternity. For example, the character Judith in Tyler Perry’s “Temptation” was bored in a stagnant relationship and Tyler Perry decided to suddenly turn a nice, sweet woman into a drug using, disrespectful monster who ended up with HIV. The film basically told us that the moral of the story is if you cheat on your husband, the consequences are dire, if not deadly. Unfortunately, double standards are a part of the world we live in, and if Issa ever gets Lawrence back, I doubt he will ever be able to fully forgive her. She hurt him, made him feel like an idiot, and he will probably make her pay for it every chance he gets. Looks like we’ll be waiting an entire year to see what happens next.


The New America

“…this is your life now…”

How terrifying. 

Yesterday, I had prepared somewhat of a witty post to make light of the election. This was before the polls closed, before the numbers came rushing in, and before the United States¬†elected Donald Trump to the most powerful position in the world.¬†That draft was quickly deleted. When Trump first announced his candidacy, like many others, I did not take him seriously. I did not believe that he was a real threat until just a few months ago. Even as a threat, I never imagined he would end up elected. I could not have been more wrong. The results of this election either left you joyous, or on the extreme opposite of the spectrum: fearful, confused, disappointmented, bewildered, and at a total loss of faith in the country you call home. In no way was this country perfect. Did I expect Hillary Clinton to wave a magic wand and rid America of the diseases of bigotry, racism, sexism, homophobia and intolerance? Absolutely not. Would I have rather had her than Trump? tumblr_oezt3o2hfp1rms5soo1_500Undoubtedly. Hillary did not successfully win me over and I was not thrilled at the idea of a Hillary Clinton administration. The difference between the two is that we have a cookie cutter politician vs. a corrupt business man who spews hate and has a looming rape case hanging over his head. A man who has been accused of sexual assault multiple times. A man who mocks disabled people, makes derogatory remarks against Black people and other people of color, makes it common practice to sexualize and demean women, doesn’t pay his taxes, intends to restrict an entire religion from entering the country, and has zero political experience. People were more concerned about emails than the blatant hatred this man seems to have for every group who isn’t a straight, White male. This is who Americans have chosen to lead the country over these next four years. I am embarrassed to call myself an American. The systemic racism that this country founded itself upon¬†has further solidified itself, and things have returned to the status quo. 8 years of a Black democrat was too much for America, and a woman who would step in and continue to push people out of their comfort zones was too much for the White male supremacist structure to bear. Despite my shock at the audacity of the American people, when I really stop and think about this, I am not surprised. As I watched his numbers continue to rise and rise, it¬†just confirmed all of my feelings that America is as racist and sexist as ever. I was told today by a White man that “ghetto thoughts are the cause of my oppression.” He said that if I stop my ghetto thoughts, I can pull myself up out of the ghetto with hard work (I do not and have never lived in the ghetto). This man was dead serious. His logic was maddeningly backwards. Oppression is what pushed people into the ghetto. It is what keeps them there. If hard work was a cure for racism, Black people would not still be rallying for the rest of the world to hear our cries of injustice. We have been working hard for 400 years, and I still get followed around department stores from time to time. My hard work to get into a prestigious university was still diminished because I was constantly asked if I were there on an athletic scholarship or affirmative action. If I had told them their assumptions were racist, they would have taken offense. fullsizerenderThe blinders of White Privilege caused the majority of White women to vote for Trump, selling out to a sexist to protect their favored position in the racially charged environment that is America. The election of Donald Trump is a symbol. It is more than a shift in the dynamic of politics. His election has shown us how many of those who we work with, live by and call our friends are actually supporters of racism and bigotry. My neighbors were shooting off fireworks last night, in this liberal paradise we call Washington State. They are most likely the ones to have excuses as to why a police officer was justified in shooting an unarmed individual and will always try to make you believe that your experiences with racism were simply nothing more than a misunderstanding or the result of you overreacting. Aside from his bully-ish ways and radical views, the man has no political experience. He has never spoken on what he intends to do once he gets in office. His resume does not have anything on it pertaining to causes he has fought for, bills he has helped pass, his experiences with foreign policy, the economy, education reform, environmental protection, nothing. fullsizerender-002Instead, he shouts out what he plans to do like this is a middle¬†school election and he wants to serve candy for lunch everyday. He wants to repeal Obamacare. Well how do you plan to make that better? *crickets*. ¬†Any interest in the environmental issues we face? *crickets*. His strategy has been to fill our heads with what President Obama failed to do, why Hillary would have messed everything up, and how terrible her judgment is. Throwing other people under the bus just tells me that you don’t have any answers, so in order to take the heat off of yourself, you point the finger. Nice strategy. If this election has taught me anything, it’s that I should always shoot for the moon. All this time, employers were telling us we need 100 years experience to get an entry level job. That’s foolery. A man with a reality TV show who spends his time on Twitter is our next president. Seems to me his experience in the political realm is sorely lacking. I was denied a customer service job at JCPenney as a teenager, a job that requires little to no skill, yet a janxy businessman who loves to call names can be president of the most powerful nation in the world. We’ve set a great example for our kids. What else has set a great example for our kids? Oh yes, those of you who decided not to vote at all, or who thought it would be funny to write in Harambe or Hennesey on your ballot. This neglectful and blase attitude could have been the deciding factor in key states like Florida, North Carolina and Ohio, states that Trump could not have won without. People tend to think everything is a joke until the real consequences come to light. If you need to learn how the Electoral College works, Google is two clicks away. Whether or not you believe this will have a significant impact on your life or not, you never know. I would have rather not taken the chance. Racial tensions have already been thick, and now the figurehead of our country is someone who casually makes racist remarks as if he is discussing the weather. The floodgates have opened for those who have been dying for the opportunity to be overtly prejudiced. Where we are supposed to go from here as a nation, I do not know. Do we fight the system? Wait these 4 years out and ensure he does not run again or win a second term? Wait for any grounds we can use to impeach him? If you have the answer, please share.¬†I have encouraged Facebook friends and Twitter followers to delete me if they are Trump supporters, and I am unapologetic about it. I have been told it is childish to lose friends over a difference of opinion. This is deeper than a difference of opinion. If you can support someone who openly condones everything I am against, ¬†I have no interest in having you in my circle. I do not acknowledge Donald Trump as my president. I never will, and I do not want to hear any complaints once he drives this country into the ground. This is what you wanted, America.


How’s Your NFL Season Going?

Before I get deeply into this post, I am just going to say I am a Patriots fan. I love the Patriots, I have XLIX (49) tattooed above my left ankle in celebration of our Super Bowl 49 victory and if they are playing, consider me busy. I am not a journalist, so I can be as biased as I want to and freely express how I believe this is the greatest football team ever, Tom Brady is the Goat and so is the genius Bill Belichick. Yes, I receive much hate and I embrace it. I have to constantly endure all of the “cheaters” rhetoric, the Seahawks fans that I’m surrounded by in Seattle hate me (don’t be mad at¬†me because Russell Wilson threw an interception in the endzone) and when I run into other Pats fans, we gotta high five each other. Being from tumblr_nj60yxko6g1qh3pr2o1_400North Carolina, I grew up with my family always rooting for random teams. The Panthers didn’t come to Charlotte until the late 90s, so it wasn’t odd to just pick a team and roll with them. My dad is a Raiders fan, mom Broncos, Uncle was a Cowboys fan, an Aunt was for Green Bay. By the time my sisters and I¬†became interested in football, my dad told us¬†that¬†we didn’t just have to go for who he likes; my older sister decided to go with the Panthers, little sister the Colts and I went with NE (I didn’t know they were good, I swear). Anyway, those are my boys.¬†I watch the Super Bowl where we beat Seattle all the time. It’s good TV. During the game I was flying back from Cabo. I said a prayer before we left for the airport and asked God for the W. Prayers do get answered. My friend and I¬†were trying to stream the game on the plane without much luck, and it was while we were running to our next gate that I found out we won. Everyone started calling me like I was playing in the game or something. I felt like I should have gotten a ring too. Of course the world tried to rain on our parade with the Deflategate scandal. Will it tarnish Brady’s legacy? Maybe, but people tumblr_nj4lqcgx6s1tnx0qco1_400love to hate on the greats.¬†I didn’t want next season to start because I was enjoying my reign as Super Bowl champs. The next season I had to watch Denver go to the Super Bowl and try not throw my TV out the window while doing so. Even still, they barely beat us in the AFC Championship with our millions of injuries. Our o line was being held together with string and scotch tape. Either way, my Pats look better than ever this season, Brady is killing it and we are on the way to doing some great things. I would like to see us converting more on 3rd down, Gostkowski needs to get his life together, and we need to ease up on the holding penalties. Sunday against the Steelers is going to rest on limiting LeVeon Bell. Can’t have them running all over us. I’m so grateful for DirecTV Sunday ticket. I can always watch my games and all the others. Can’t beat a Sunday full of football.

Everyone Else

2001There are some interesting things going on around the rest of the league. I always love to see how each new season is different than the one before it. The Panthers are on a tequila-esqe Super Bowl hangover, players are protesting police brutality, the Redskins are winning games. Even the Raiders are winning games. The Bills don’t look like a total train wreck. On the other hand, some things have stayed the same. RG111 is hurt, Tony Romo is hurt and the Browns are terrible. The Giants are still inconsistent, and it’s apparently driving Odell Beckham Jr. crazy. He’s crying, attacking nets, hugging nets, and giving every one a lot to talk about. According to him, football isn’t fun anymore. I’m sure losing isn’t fun. I bet dealing with all the politics of football isn’t fun either. You can’t celebrate, you get fined for wearing different cleats, the refs are either throwing too many flags or missing blatant calls. But we all know the Giants lowkey suck. I would be upset if I had to play on that team too. Odell¬†barely does¬†anything all season, then breaks out and has a stellar game last week. Because of this game, I lost in fantasy. But that’s what I like to see. Don’t allow your inner petty side to overshadow your talent. I would not want to be remembered as an over-emotional crybaby¬†when I could be remembered as an elite wide receiver. I am curious to see where he will end up in a couple of years once he is a free agent. I don’t really see a ring in his future if he stays with the Giants. The player I am really curious to see where he will end up is Dak Prescott. Dak in tandem with Ezekial Elliott has been killing it. I still can’t dakbelieve sometimes that I am watching Dallas play. Dak’s QBR is 103.9. He¬†completion percentage is 68.7. He broke Brady’s record of¬†the most completions without an interception. All of these great stats, and Jerry Jones still wants to give Tony Romo the¬†starting spot back. What is wrong with Jerry Jones!? You would think Tony Romo was his own son. I wouldn’t care if he was my son, you gotta sit down bro. Romo is ridiculously¬†inconsistent, he’s getting old and he’s made of glass. I wouldn’t have the time to run a franchise where my quarterback¬†gets hurt faster than some feelings. Jerry Jones needs to start looking towards the future. Cowboys fans nationwide will hate him if he messes up the good thing they have going with Dak and Zeke. Jerry will make Jason Garrett put Romo in, he’ll get knocked down and before you know it, his back has broken into a thousand pieces again. Over the past couple of days I have heard that Jerry might not put in Romo, but if it were me there would be no question about it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against Tony Romo. If he wasn’t so delicate I think he would have been a great quarterback. He’s certainly had his moments. Romo will likely be ready to play within the next few weeks, so I can’t wait to see how this pans out.

Who Are These Minnesota Vikings?

Am I the only one still in shock over Minnesota? I mean, they’re undefeated. Out of nowhere they have an elite defense and are looking great on offense too. An offense being led by Sam Bradford. SAM BRADFORD, PEOPLE! He has a 70.4 completion percentage. Not too shabby.¬†This is all without Adrian Peterson, might I add. A backup quarterback and running back are stomping all over the NFC North. tumblr_n6xukehrnl1qhkbk8o1_400
Green Bay is 2 games behind Minnesota. They’re barely hanging on to second place, because Detroit is gaining on them. Aaron Rodgers is out there looking rather struggly. Any one know what his problem is? I mean he’s not terrible, but he and Green Bay collectively don’t look like the Packers I know. We can also cease the talk about him being better than Brady. Whatever the reason, they’ve allowed the Vikings to take control of the division. It was like after the kicker missed that field goal in the divisional playoffs last year, they decided enough was enough. Out of the seven previous Vikings teams that started off 5-0, two went to the Super Bowl and three went to the NFC championship. Who knows whether this 2016 squad will follow in those footsteps; they can flop any time, but so far, so good. The Vikings look elite, but I certainly don’t think they’re invincible. I still think they¬†can quite possibly lose to Dallas in December (with Dak as qb) and Green Bay will be a lot tougher the second time around just due to the fact of it being a divisional tumblr_n6tnonmakg1qhkbk8o1_400game. So much of the league sucks right now, so if the Vikings keep this up who’s to say they wont go 14-2 or 13-3. They have some really easy teams left on their schedule: the Bears, Colts, Jags…it’s really not fair. We’ll get an upset in there somewhere, I just can’t wait to see who will deliver them their first L. It’s interesting that they look much better than they did last year when¬†Teddy Bridgewater was starting. I hated to see that he injured his knee, I really wanted to see how he was going to do this year. I’m sure Teddy feels the same way. It would suck to lose your job to Sam Bradford. But this is football, and you will get dropped faster than the Warriors blew their 3-1 lead. I truly believe that if the Pats had Brady in Week 3 we would be undefeated too, but unfortunately here we sit at 5-1. Nothing to complain about obviously. We’re still sitting at the top of the AFC. Undefeated means nothing once playoffs come. We’re not even halfway into the season. Minnesota has a lot of football left to play.

My Fantasy Nightmare

Last season, I killed it in fantasy. This season, I’m getting killed in fantasy. Life comes at you oh so fast. I think I had four different teams, and I won in them all. I felt unstoppable. I was blowing people out. I was the Patriots of each of my leagues. I was like “why do people think this is so hard?!” Well, now I know why. My fantasy this year is an absolute disaster. Out of my 3 teams, I have a winning record in one. In my family league, I am 0-6. You can just call me the Cleveland Browns. This is so upsetting. I hate losing. tumblr_nbjnuxode31qdt5vso2_r1_400
I have a great team, too. Tom Brady, Antonio Brown, Vinatieri, T.Y. Hilton, etc. yet I lose and lose. And its not that I’m getting blown out, I lose by a few points. If I was a quitter, I would just quit. Every week I feel like I am getting mentally and emotionally stomped on. I can’t stress about UW on Saturday (Go Huskies!) stress about the Pats on Sunday, and stress out about Fantasy Football the rest of the time. I consider making trades and dropping players, but for what? Everyone sucks. I might as well just keep my team that looks phenomenal on paper, even though they turn into scrubs when I really need¬†them. I was so close to beating my brother in law last week, then the Jets play Monday night. Brandon Marshall balls out then I lose. My mood quickly changed to something resembling the Jordan crying face meme. By this point I’ve turned superstitious and believe I won’t win until the Browns win. If the Browns are destined to go 0-16, then I guess I am too. The Browns play the Jets on October 30th, so I might be able to secure my first W. This would be a great first win, because I hate the Jets. I’ll win in fantasy and real life, because a Jets loss is always a win for me. Fantasy is fun, but at the end of the day, my main concern is the Patriots and Brady knocking everyone down on his revenge tour.

Week 7 Picks

Here are my week 7 picks:


  • Packers
  • Giants
  • Chiefs
  • Colts
  • Vikings
  • Bengals
  • Lions
  • Raiders
  • Bills
  • Ravens
  • Buccaneers
  • Falcons
  • Pats
  • Seahawks
  • Broncos

Happy week 7!

All Lives Never Mattered

I think I’m going to come up with a new saying for 2016. I think that new saying is going to be ”¬†All Lives¬†Never Mattered.” I’m going with this phrase because whenever the term Black Lives Matter comes into conversation, there is always the rebuttal that All Lives Matter. Well I thought “all” was an inclusive word. Since ALL means everything, the total lot, nothing or no one left out, why is there offense taken by some people when someone says Black Lives Matter? I didn’t see Only Black Lives Matter or Black Lives Matter Most anywhere. I mean, let’s be honest; if all lives truly mattered, #BlackLivesMatter would not exist. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. My tendency to do this is waning due to the fact that I find it hard to accept that society can really be that obtuse. We wouldn’t feel the ntumblr_o9z7q8xkxr1uafcu7o1_1280eed to remind people that Black Lives Matter if Black lives were treated with the same sacredness as say, White lives. I am Black and I am also a woman. If I were to start a slogan that Women’s Lives Matter would men start getting upset? If I wanted to bring awareness to save women from the Brock Turners of the world, would I get drowned out by the cries ALL GENDERS MATTER! I don’t think so. The #AllLivesMatter crew only seems to care about all lives when they need to refute the arguments of Black Lives Matter. Why didn’t all lives matter when the people of Flint, Michigan were drinking¬†contaminated water? Where was the public outrage? Why didn’t all lives matter when the victims of Hurricane Katrina were waiting on public aid for months, and even years? Why didn’t all lives matter when two thousand people died in India last year due to the heat wave? Since America seems to feel so strongly about the well-being of all lives, why aren’t we all out here advocating for all the marginalized people¬†of the world? I completely agree that all lives matter. Every life is sacred and has meaning. However, certain lives in this country are requiring a little more TLC and social justice than other lives right now. If you’re a parent and have a sick child, would you tell that sick child “all my kids deserve good health!” No, you’re going to nurse that sick child until it’s back on the same plane as the other children. Lets use some common sense here. We have a problem in America. Is this all underlying tension that has been kept under wraps for too long and now its bubbling over? Are we at some type of transition¬†and a major change is coming? I don’t know, but I know people are getting fed up.

Colin Kaepernick

We all know of Mr. Kaepernick. Former starting quarterback for the 49ers, now backup quarterback, but great athlete all the same. As of late, we have all become very familiar with him and his decision to no longer stand for the national anthem. Due to the frequent shootings of Black people from police officers who then face no consequences, Kaepernick doesn’t feel it’s appropriate to stand for a song and flag that is not protecting all American citizens. Seems pretty hypocritical to him. A flag that is supposed to represent freedom but allows its residents to be killed for no reason doesn’t seem to represent the best tumblr_ocsrkepmnr1rbam90o1_1280interest of everyone across these 50 states. It was of no surprise to me the backlash he received for his choice to sit down and now kneel, for the anthem. I have seen him called a plethora of racial slurs, have seen people say he has no respect and some have told him to leave the country if he hates it so much. Kaepernick has said he’s even received death threats. What I find so interesting about this whole scenario is that when people are rioting and looting, the response is¬†that this is not the solution to the problem. When Kaepernick decides to peacefully and quietly demonstrate, he is told he is disrespecting our country, veterans and that this is not the answer. Well I would like to know, what is the answer? Act out in rage and now you’re a disgrace. Act out in peaceful silence and you’re a disgrace. tumblr_ococuvsyz31uxvrrjo1_500Whenever a Black person shows resistance regarding his current situation, he is now a problem and he should just shut up and be grateful for his current status. Sweep the problem under the rug and it no longer exists. According to #VeteransForKaepernick, they fought for his right to stand or sit and many of them do not feel disrespected. The anthem and the flag is not solely about our military, but about the freedom of all Americans. If one sect of America is being killed by law enforcement at disproportionate rates without consequences, then how free is this country? I admire Kaep’s willingness to take a stand on what he believes in (or seat I should say) and its been interesting to see others follow suit. If you are upset over Kaepernick’s refusal to stand for the anthem but see no issues with police officers murdering people in cold blood, you are a part of the problem. You can’t proclaim to be an advocate for freedom but try to justify senseless murders, especially when the people committing the murders are those sworn to protect and serve. But all lives matter, right? Lets cut the B.S. If you stand firm by all lives mattering, why can’t you see the logic behind Kaepernick’s protest? I don’t know if people lack empathy or if they are just unwilling to understand, but put yourself in a different frame of mind. Imagine that whenever you saw a police officer your anxiety levels shot through the roof because you feel you may be the next hashtag. Imagine that your car breaks down on the side of the road, and now you’re afraid to wait for assistance because you don’t want to become the next Terence Crutcher. There is absolutely no reason why anyone in America should feel like their life is on the line when they encounter someone sworn to protect and serve. There is no excuse to justify these murders.

But What About Black on Black Crime?

The most frustrating counterargument in response to #BlackLivesMatter is “well, what about black on black crime?” This is a ridiculous statement for several reasons. The topic¬†of black on black crime is just meant as a distraction to draw people away from the real issues that predominantly Black communities face due to factors such as gentrification, the “war on drugs” (aka the war on Black people), underfunded schools and mass incarcerations of people of color. If you place the blame on the citizens, then there is no accountability to be taken for those who contributed to the community’s demise. When you rob communities of necessary resources and leave them to fend for themselves, of course crime will ensue. Impoverished communities no matter the race tend to experience tumblr_o9zu0en8ac1v1rpqpo1_500higher crime rates, so this actually fuels the logic that black on black crime is a ridiculous sentiment. You are going to commit crimes against those in closest proximity to you, so you will see that Whites tend to commit crimes against other Whites, Mexicans against Mexicans and so on and so forth. Tragedy strikes, and the first thing #AllLivesMatter brings up is “they’re killing each other in Chicago daily, they don’t even care about Black lives!” Well I didn’t know that Chicago was the only city that had high rates of crime,
Black people do protest black on black crime, and if you really did care about all lives, you would be trying to curb the violence in places like Chicago as well. Even if Black people wanted to kill each other off like it was going out of style, since when did they take an oath to protect and serve American citizens? Tyrone kills Greg and Tyrone is going to jail for 30+ years. Officer Tom kills Tyrone and Officer Tom is getting paid administrative leave, aka a paid vacation. tumblr_odumblq2fi1uw7g39o1_1280Not only is he getting paid time off, but his reason for neglecting all of his training to subdue someone without the use of deadly force will be justified. The media will vilify the victim, and if he has some type some mug shot, that will be the first thing plastered on the news. The social media warriors will start on their usual banter of the why didn’t he comply, he shouldn’t have reached in his car, he should have done this or he shouldn’t have done that. No one should be all that upset because Black people kill each other at alarming rates everyday, so what’s the big deal? It is extremely upsetting that people get killed based off of how they look, and so many find a reason as to why the murder was just. If you are that afraid of Black people then maybe you should have chosen another profession. I am deathly afraid of snakes, so why would I chose a job as a zookeeper and work in the reptile room? Every time a snake slithers its tongue at me I would want to chop it down, and now I’m blaming the snake when I’m the one who is too fearful to be working in that profession. Go be a gardener, go be a dog walker, but don’t choose a career¬†where you don’t have the heart to do your job without resulting to deadly force.

All Cops Aren’t Bad

What is the next favorite argument? “All cops aren’t bad” and “All White people aren’t racist.” Of course all cops aren’t bad and obviously all White people aren’t racist. We have a problem when the cops who ARE bad are not held accountable for their actions that result in deaths of innocent people. People are being taken away from their families, and America does not seem to care. All White people aren’t racist, but go on Facebook and Twitter and read the comments on a controversial post and you will see how many White people feel confident enough to call Black people niggers and tell them to go back to Africa behind a keyboard or touchscreen. I was appalled at the types of comments I’ve seen over the past couple of years, yet people still deny that racism exists. I’ve encountered¬†extremely friendly cops and I know plenty of White people with whom I am friends that¬†have treated me with nothing but respect. However, if you do have Black people in your family or social circle, it is imperative that you take it upon yourself to listen to our experiences and to not try and convince us that things are not as bad as they seem. So many think that our demands and cries for justice and dramatic and unnecessary, but how many more Black people need to be killed by trigger happy police officers before everyone can accept that we have a problem here? Caring about all lives means that you are willing to open your mind and eyes to reality and accept that change needs to happen. Caring about all lives means that you are no longer content living in the denial that the freedom the anthem and flag is supposed to stand for is actually inaccurate. You don’t have to agree with everyone’s method of protest, but you can attempt to empathize with the turmoil the giphyBlack community is facing. How do we fix this problem? First things first, police officers need to be held accountable. It isn’t just Black people who see this as a problem, there are people from all walks of life and races¬†who are outraged by the state this country is in. If we can all get on the same page, we can start to enact change. Lets create some open dialogue, keep protesting and get out of denial. Since all cops aren’t bad, the “good” cops need to start calling out their peers. There is no way I would allow my colleagues to make me look bad. I’m putting you on blast! I’m not putting my best foot forward everyday and waking up before sunrise to have the next person put all my hard work to shame. One bad apple spoils the whole bunch, so we need to find a way to rid ourselves of the unfit. Recent events have proven that we have not come much farther since 1965; racial tension is at an all time high. Whether you choose to stand, kneel, march or write for change, advocate somehow. Inaction is action, and silence when people are in need does nothing but condone the turmoil.

Team Light Skin




  1. prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group.

Team Light Skin. Team Dark Skin. Light skins are soft. Light skinned girls are evil. Dark skinned girls are tough. Dark skinned men are¬†intimidating. Dark skinned men are winning. Light skins taking all the L’s this year. I don’t like dark skinned girls. Light skinned women are stuck up.”

Ah, all the rhetoric we hear in the Black community regarding the skin tones of our counterparts. In case you didn’t know, colorism is nothing new. Darker skinned slaves were to work in the fields while the lighter skin slaves worked in the big house. Working in the house was considered to be a privilege; no toiling in the elements under the watch of a wrathful overseer. Have you ever read about the horrors house slaves went through as well? Working in such close proximity to your owner was not a walk in the park either. Be that as it may, Black people have been divided on skin color for centuries. During our most tragic period of oppression, this was a key element in keeping slaves from uniting. Find a way to esteem one segment of them over the other, and now you have created resentment. You can’t be strong if you have no unity, meaning you can’t come together to stir up any trouble. The idea that the lighter you are, the better has carried on into present day. Fast forward 200 years, and it is still the same. White people or other races may find darker skinned Black people more intimidating, but it seems as if the bigger issues with skin tones come from inside the Black community. All of the brainwashing has divided us on the very thing we wish to no longer be marginalized for. As I write this I am brought back to 4th grade when two of my good friends told me they didn’t want to be my friend any more because I thought I was “all that” because I am light skinned with long hair. tumblr_o4ep7dycwq1utsvwgo1_500Everything was all good just a day ago, but now I am a villain over things I could not control. They even had the teacher move their desks away from mine. Why would 10 year old girls reject a friend they had fun with daily based off of looks?¬†No child that young should already feel so self-conscious about their skin that they can’t even hold on to an elementary level friendship. Black people as a minority are forced to live in a country where the standard of beauty looks nothing like us. Of course we come in all shades, eye colors, hair colors, etc., but we will never posses the European standard of fair skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. Instead, the Black community desires for someone to look as close to White without actually being White to be considered attractive. Light skin, light eyes, long “good hair.” That’s the recipe. The division in the Black community is staggering. We are divided across gender lines, education, and of course skin color. Outside forces contribute to our lack of unity, but we do much of the damage internally.

Pretty For a Dark Girl

One backhanded compliment that has always made me sick is “Wow, you’re so pretty! What are you mixed with? Oh, you’re not mixed? You’re so pretty to be just¬†Black!” What the hell is that supposed to mean? I forgot that Black women are not supposed to be beautiful. I find our full lips, rich toned skin and thick hair gorgeous. Want to know what’s worse? When another Black person tells a darker Black woman that she’s pretty for a dark skinned girl. So if you took her exact same features and placed them on a lighter canvas, she would look better? The only thing that happens when you tell a dark skinned person they’re pretty for a dark girl is the negative connotations of having dark skin get reinforced. All I hear is “you’re still ugly, just not as ugly as the others.” The beauty of Black people is how diverse we are within our own race. My paternal grandmother is very fair skinned and had red hair. My maternal grandmother was chocolate skinned with thick black hair. Would there be a such thing as beauty if we all looked exactly the same? The media does not help. tumblr_n3fm0yc49w1rdu2lko1_500Usually when you see a Black woman on a commercial she looks mixed or is lighter complexioned. Turn on a music video and the video vixens all have the same look. Light skinned, long weave and voluptuous bodies. Of course this is not always the case, but majority rules. Colorism floods rap lyrics constantly: “I like a long haired, thick red-bone,” “Beautiful black woman,¬†I bet that bitch look better red.”¬†I salute my dark skinned sistas. You have to have thick skin to listen to your own people degrade you, yet still support them nonetheless. As Black people in America, we constantly have to deal with a lack of representation. We’ve had to create our own networks, magazines, carve out a section of Black Twitter, and usually are the only Black faces at our job. We hate it, yet we do it within our own community. So what if we have been conditioned to equate dark skin with aggressiveness and¬†being less attractive? That foolishness has got to stop. Guess what? We are all dark skinned to the police and to the judge. I find it incredibly stupid that we diminish the looks of another Black person just because society has tried to tell us that dark is not valued. You do not have to be light to be attractive, you do not have to be mixed to be beautiful.

Jesse Williams

Unless you live under a rock, you have surely watched or heard about humanitarian/actor Jesse William’s iconic speech at the BET Awards last weekend. In case you missed it, catch a clip of that¬†here. After watching his speech, I felt empowered. I felt understood, and most of all I felt proud. I felt proud to be Black, but I was also proud that he used his moment of recognition to acknowledge us all. It was very moving. But like with everything, people love to rain on the parade. Instead of being supportive, some Black people decided that we only responded with such intrigue to Jesse Williams because he is light skinned with blue eyes. Former NFL player Ochocinco had to write Kendrick Lamar on Twitter to say something to the effect of, he has been saying these things on his albums all along, but no one wanted to listen until a light skinned, pretty boy said something. What a perfect way to shift the focus off of what is really important to petty, dramatic irrelevance. tumblr_o9ev69frkt1qa4l1ko1_540Who cares who says what is important, as long as it is being said? What would have been the complaint if Idris Elba had said it instead of Jesse Williams? He’s dark skinned but he has a British accent, so it doesn’t count? Light skinned people experience racism everyday. I have been followed around in stores. I’ve gone on job interviews where when the interviewer¬†came out and saw she was interviewing a Black woman, her face recoiled. When I first started college, some of the staff couldn’t believe that I wasn’t there on an athletic scholarship. I guess Black people only go to college to dribble or throw a ball around. I was accused of stealing from the mall with my friend when I was 16, and 4 cop cars surrounded us, only to find nothing. What did my light skinned “privilege” do for me on all of those occasions? Nothing. It doesn’t matter how light you are or if your eyes are the color of the sea in the Caribbean, you are going to experience racism. Why try to create a divide between Kendrick and Jesse when we can appreciate them both for trying to open people’s eyes? ¬†The point is to care about the cause. If people were being this petty during the Civil Rights Movement, we would still be sitting in the back of the bus. It’s the message that is important, not necessarily the messenger. It seems like our generation has to make everything a competition and getting credit supersedes solving the problem at hand. I want my student loans eradicated. Would I be salty that they listened to Donald’s solution over Hillary’s? Nope, as long as I’m debt free.

When Preference Turns Into Bashing

When it comes to chicken, I prefer white meat over dark meat. I just think it tastes better. It looks more appetizing and is much juicier. Does that mean I gotta throw shade at dark meat and talk about how I think it tastes less flavorful and how eating chicken thighs annoys me? So many walk the fine line between having a preference and putting something else down. Personally, when it comes to men, I can take them¬†either way; caramel skin or chocolate skin that looks like velvet, it doesn’t matter. Too bad we aren’t all as neutral. I see on Twitter at least once a day men championing light skinned women as if they are the best thing since sliced bread, while demeaning our darker women in the same 140 characters. tumblr_o2a6wpWy3U1slyfcfo1_500We all have a type, but we are also the roots of the same Black tree. In essence, you’re putting yourself and your ancestors down. It’s normal to have a type, you don’t have to be Rae Sremmurd. But why in explaining what you’re attracted to, you have to make it a point to point out something negative regarding your counterpart? Of course we can make jokes within our own community, but sometimes these jokes extend beyond a few laughs. I see so many insensitive jokes toward dark skinned people, the perpetual stereotype of light skinned people being weak, and the defense that everyone is entitled to their own preference which soothes no hurt feelings. As Black women, we hate it when Black men spit on our image in their pursuit of White women and other races. I personally don’t care who wants to date whom, but you don’t have the right to make us feel less than in the process. It’s very normal to fall in love with someone you didn’t originally see as your type, but many just objectify based off of skin tone/color. Do you love the actual person or are you infatuated with their looks? I had a conversation with a man once who said he would only date light skinned mixed Black women or White women because he wanted to have light skinned children. This man¬†said he hated Black women’s nappy hair, but mixed girls have pretty curls and light eyes. I didn’t know he had a degree in genetics or had the ability to design his own children, but what flawed logic to have. He was speaking as if he was swinging his hair in Vidal Sassoon commercials. This man was midnight dark, yet he wanted his future children to look nothing like him. This is what happens when you live in a world where ‘White is Right.’¬†A certain standard of beauty has been drilled into our heads, and we can’t seem to shake it. We want our lives to matter, yet we throw shade at each other based off looks. Having a hierarchy within our own culture impedes progress. Whether you like light skin, brown skin, purple skin or dark, you can make a choice and still uplift the other. Even if you choose not to uplift us all, that’s fine, just don’t put the rest of us down while doing your thing. I don’t know about you, but I want Black people to be a united front, not divided among lines of color.


Why Are You Mad At Me?

We all have our opinions.¬†Depending on the subject, we may even want to add our own 2 cents into the conversation. Well I want to add my 2 cents into why some women feel as if it is their duty to confront the other woman when they find out their boyfriend or husband is cheating. I have been on the receiving end of this, and it gets on my last nerve. It has never escalated to a physical fight (I’m wayyyy too above that) or in person encounter; just texts and/or internet messaging. The badge of a full-fledged side chick has never been a part of my wardrobe, and¬†whenever I was involved with a man who was in a relationship, it was unbeknownst to me. This topic takes me back to high school. Whenever a girl didn’t like me, it was always because her boyfriend did. How is that my fault?¬†HOW SWAY?¬†Is it my fault that you chose a man with wandering eyes? I think not. Anyway, here I am, 7 years post high school graduation and every now and then I will get hit up by some random girl asking me why I am talking to her boyfriend. I don’t want your man, boo boo! I can smell your insecurity through the phone. Last time I checked, I wasn’t in a relationship with you, so who I talk to really isn’t any of your business. So you confronted him as well? Good for you!¬†giphy3You should have if you felt he was acting inappropriately, but leave me out of it. Perhaps I ignite some of your insecurities because since your man is seeking attention from me, I must have something that you don’t have. That’s why you’re mad right? Well guess what? It’s never that deep. Men get bored and they seek out attention from whoever, depending on the timing. Or, maybe you’re just an irrational human being and take everyday conversation to mean something that it’s not. Either way, you should check yourself.¬†Even if I did want your man or was aware of the situation, the beef that develops within your relationship is your problem and yours alone. This mentality does not apply to my family members or friends. I would first of all know their relationship status, and I have no desire to become involved their current or past flames. However, if I don’t know you from Adam, I really don’t care about your relationship. Rude? Maybe, but do I care? Nope! Have you ever considered taking some responsibility for the man you chose? If you had taken more time to learn his character you could have identified those traits that would suggest infidelity. Even though you dropped the ball, no, it is still not acceptable for him to cheat or act inappropriately. But people also shouldn’t cut you off in traffic or not say ‘thank you’ when you hold the door open for them. You can’t control others, but you can control how you choose to respond to the situation. I know that being petty is trendy now, but your pettiness might get your feelings hurt. I am not above hurting feelings to maintain my peace of mind. You take a risk every time you decide to get bold and confront someone over some foolishness. How do you know they’re¬†not crazy?¬†Better not risk angering a hornet’s nest. Probably one of the best reasons to take your issue to the source instead of involving people who really aren’t a factor in your problem.


Why Are You Blaming Me?

So now I just want to get to the nitty gritty of this post. If your man is stepping out,¬†WHY ARE YOU ON MY LINE ABOUT IT?!?¬†I am not in a relationship with the two of you. I don’t owe you any loyalty, and don’t try to throw me any bullsh*t about respecting your relationship. I do not know you, so¬†I do not owe you any respect. If you’re married, then there¬†is¬†a certain level of respect people should have for your relationship, so I am not talking about that, but I have had girls come at me for men who aren’t even their boyfriend. That’s next level pathetic. You are mad at a stranger for not respecting your relationship instead of focusing your anger on the person who agreed to be loyal to you.¬†tumblr_ni1nouOGii1sk4npzo1_500This is like on Maury when the alleged baby father comes onto the stage with his new piece, and the baby mama decides to throw insults at her. Backwards, much? You aren’t going to leave him anyway, because if you were, you would be busy kicking him to the curb instead of trying to beef with the profile picture on my Facebook page. Why expel so much energy just to go back to him tonight? You are going to drive yourself insane trying to police his phone and social media for other women. If a woman likes his most recent photo, why are you making it your business to tell her to leave him alone? Your jealousy is going to get the best of you, and I most likely won’t be all that friendly once you contact me because now I’m annoyed. I am not responsible for the actions of your man, so you are out of line to reach out to me. What is your motive? To get me to stop talking to him? Well you’ve succeeded because no one is worth the drama, but you haven’t really won. Once he realizes I’m over it, he’ll be on to the next. In addition, if it has been nothing but innocent conversation, you’re just pushing him away by acting crazy. Men are going to have female acquaintances, co-workers, classmates, etc and you will be the one miserable in the long run because you’re psychotic. If your dude has been having a full on affair with some chick who had no idea about you, then I’m not blaming you for maybe wanting to get a little insight. This post isn’t about you. This is for the Tommie’s from Love & Hip Hop Atlanta who make it their business to eradicate any female who even looks their man (or pretend man’s) way. Maybe your relationship isn’t even really worth it if you spend your free time lurking on girls’ Instagram photos to see if he’s liked their posts and spend the rest of your time starting drama. But hey, what do I know? All I know is I would appreciate it if you weirdos would leave me alone. This hasn’t happened to me in quite awhile, but I’m sure it will again. And I will tell you what I have told the others: “I have no interest in taken men, so I would appreciate it if you would refrain from contacting me further and take this up with him; do not make your personal problems mine, thanks!” And that’s it. I’ve had them try to start arguments and that’s when I hit them with the good ol’ block. The ‘block’ feature is the best invention since caller ID. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Never in life will you get me to argue with you about some dusty dude who has clearly shown you he isn’t worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoe. I save petty arguments for the basic birds. The moral of the story is, if you find your bae in my inbox, go take it up with bae, and let me live in peace. Deal?

Bad Vibes & Toxic People

Vibes speak louder than words.¬†That is a fact, my friend. I can’t stand being around negative people. We all have our bad days, but some people emit negative energy like they eat negativity for breakfast. Everything is a problem for them. This goes beyond minor annoyances like sitting in traffic, troublesome co-workers, or waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Life is out to get them and only them. I HATE IT.¬†I seek peace; it has been in my nature since I could remember. If I can avoid having to deal with people who kill my vibe or contribute stress to my life, I do that. Isn’t it enough to constantly see news regarding mass shootings, missing airplanes, Donald Trump and all of the other sad stories we are exposed to on a daily basis? Stay away from me with your ‘woe is me’ dialogue, Debbie Downer. So what is it that makes some people drown in negativity? I contribute it to their thought process. We all see the world through our own lens, so if you see nothing positive in your life, it is impossible to see the good in life. Negative people spew their negative energy to everyone around them, bringing us all down. Misery loves company, but I am not bringing balloons and wine to your pity party.¬†tumblr_nrgnbnrqy81qkvda9o1_500What people who complain constantly often don’t notice is that they are always complaining. Know someone like this? Bring it up to them and I bet they will look at you like you’re crazy. It has to be a miserable existence to wake up every morning on the defensive. Life is definitely not a cakewalk, but it is a gift. Nope, its not fair. “Fair” is a place where you go to get cotton candy and ride the twist-a-whirl or whatever it’s called. We should all be protective of the people that we surround ourselves with. You could constantly be surrounding yourself with toxic people and not even realize it until you do an audit of the people you associate with. What do your main associates really talk to you about? ¬†Is it their personal problems, instead of their personal accomplishments? Do they ask you about what is going on with you, or are they using you as their personal sounding board to vent out all of their issues? Do the people you work with spend all their time complaining about your boss or other co-workers? You don’t have to listen to that sh*t. Maybe I am too much of an optimist, but I try to see the good in everything. Optimist, realist, or opportunist, negative people get on my nerves. All that being said, I just wanted to go over the handful of negative types that grind my gears the most. So let’s begin, *birdman hand rub.*

The Complainer

Complaining is just one of those things that human beings do. We all have the right to vent our frustrations. I complain often about stupid drivers, annoying clients at work, and just the everyday perils of life. Not even half an hour ago I was complaining to my mom about how I need a raise for how much my workload has increased over the last couple of weeks. I am a work in progress. I’m complaining in this post about how complainers annoy me (ironic, maybe)? Either way, my point is The Complainer finds fault in everything…literally everything. “I’m bored.” “This is stupid.” “I wish I had more money.” “They gave her the raise when I’m the one doing all the work.” SHUT UP! Did you ever stop and think that no one cares? Constant complaining without making any effort to improve your situation is nothing but whining. Being around people like this will start to bring you down. If you cannot be positive, do us all a favor and be quiet. It is stressful constantly listening to someone speak about the lack of control they seem to have over their own lives. It seems as if The Complainer appreciates nothing, but expects everything. This negativity spews onto everyone else, and begiphycause complaining often becomes a habit, they often don’t realize they are doing it. I feel my stress levels rise every time I listen to someone complain, try to offer a solution, but they brush it off as nonsense. Complaining is not just an act of observing your life/surroundings and voicing your views, it actually takes effort.¬†When you complain, you invite negative thoughts to settle in your mind¬†and end up attracting the very things you complain about back into your life. The Complainer isn’t a bad person, they’re just giving themselves a bad experience of life. Nothing is as bad as you make it seem. When I get in a bad mood and start being negative, I stop myself. It really only makes you feel worse. If you don’t know by now that complaining about things you can’t control is a total waste of time, now you know. If you’re complaining about things you CAN control, then it obviously isn’t bothering you that much because you would have done something to change the situation by now.

The Blamer

The Blamer can really kill your vibe. This type of person has an inability to take responsibility for their actions. Avoid people like this. Nothing is ever their fault, and they will show you time and time again why they cannot be trusted. Often full of excuses, The Blamer has a reason why they f*ck up everything, and its always because of someone or something else. “I would be farther ahead in life if I had this…” “My mom did this to me so now I can’t do this…” “If you would have reminded me, I could have finished it.” Know anyone like this? Remove them from your life. They are self-absorbed and cannot see past their own immaturity. At the end of the day, the only person responsible for your affairs is YOU. You can’t blame your plight in life on being Black, being a woman, or being whatever it is that is holding you back in your mind. Of course, there are legitimate reastumblr_m6sa8i80081qggwbio1_500ons why some people can’t do some things. I can’t sing, so there’s no way I can say I failed myself at not following my dream of being Beyonce. I can, however, pick up a book so the fact that I keep dragging my feet on applying to a graduate program is my own fault. The Blamer¬†does not realize that in order to solve their problems, they have to own them. You can’t be afraid to confront your issues. Passing the buck is what children do because they are afraid of the consequences. What is sad is that when you spend all of your time placing blame on others, you lose opportunity after opportunity to change yourself and your circumstances. With anything, the hardest part is getting started. Pay closer attention to yourself and take note of every time you try to use others as a scapegoat for your own failings. You aren’t emotionally closed off because someone broke your heart and you’re not as a**hole because of it. You are those things because you choose to not confront your own insecurity. “The Man” isn’t holding you back; you’re just too lazy to get back up after you’ve been knocked down. If you are a blamer, do us all a favor and keep that behavior to yourself until you can reevaluate your life.

The Pessimist

The type of negative person that seems to bring me down the most is The Pessimist. Pessimistic people walk around with no hope, and make you feel crazy for seeing the good in any given situation. I would be miserable if every time I was confronted with a negative situation, I basically threw in the towel. What is life if you have no hope? You can be broke, living in the street but if you have even just a smidgen of hope, you’ll see it through. Sure, the night is dark and full of terrors (Game of Thrones reference in case you didn’t know), but why should the possibility of bad things happening keep you from being happy or taking chances? Any person with common sense is able to tell when something is a lost cause, but The Pessimist¬†thinks anything with a chance of a failed outcome is a total waste of time. Hand a pessimist lemons to make lemonade, and they will say what’s the point without any sugar and water? As I said previously, I prefer to be calm and peaceful, but people with this mentality make me want to slap the taste outta their mouth. I can’t be around them. Even if being optimistic doesn’t do much more for you than being tumblr_n308ga30zk1s4xucdo1_500pessimistic, at least you’ll be happier while everything is falling apart. You absolutely have to change your perspective if you don’t want to be miserable. Negative people like this think that having low expectations will save them from pain and disappointment, but that’s not true. You’re just wasting your existence. Wake up, Eeyore. Having low expectations won’t save you, its just going to bring more negativity into your life. Its a vicious cycle. You think your shitty attitude proves you right everything something bad happens, but bad things keep happening to you because that is the energy you are emitting. You might as well walk around with a “My Life Sucks” target on your head, because bad things are going to keep coming your way, pessimist. Change your perspective. I am sure that it is difficult to kick out years and years of negative thought patterns from your mind, but it is possible. Perception is reality. If you perceive things as being good, good things will come to you. It may seem silly, but it really is true. Try it out and see how your life starts to adjust accordingly. Its the least you can do so that you can stop torturing we positive folk in the meantime. Change your thoughts and thank me later.