Why Are You Mad At Me?


We all have our opinions. Depending on the subject, we may even want to add our own 2 cents into the conversation. Well I want to add my 2 cents into why some women feel as if it is their duty to confront the other woman when they find out their boyfriend or husband is cheating. I have been on the receiving end of this, and it gets on my last nerve. It has never escalated to a physical fight (I’m wayyyy too above that) or in person encounter; just texts and/or internet messaging. The badge of a full-fledged side chick has never been a part of my wardrobe, and whenever I was involved with a man who was in a relationship, it was unbeknownst to me. This topic takes me back to high school. Whenever a girl didn’t like me, it was always because her boyfriend did. How is that my fault? HOW SWAY? Is it my fault that you chose a man with wandering eyes? I think not. Anyway, here I am, 7 years post high school graduation and every now and then I will get hit up by some random girl asking me why I am talking to her boyfriend. I don’t want your man, boo boo! I can smell your insecurity through the phone. Last time I checked, I wasn’t in a relationship with you, so who I talk to really isn’t any of your business. So you confronted him as well? Good for you! giphy3You should have if you felt he was acting inappropriately, but leave me out of it. Perhaps I ignite some of your insecurities because since your man is seeking attention from me, I must have something that you don’t have. That’s why you’re mad right? Well guess what? It’s never that deep. Men get bored and they seek out attention from whoever, depending on the timing. Or, maybe you’re just an irrational human being and take everyday conversation to mean something that it’s not. Either way, you should check yourself. Even if I did want your man or was aware of the situation, the beef that develops within your relationship is your problem and yours alone. This mentality does not apply to my family members or friends. I would first of all know their relationship status, and I have no desire to become involved their current or past flames. However, if I don’t know you from Adam, I really don’t care about your relationship. Rude? Maybe, but do I care? Nope! Have you ever considered taking some responsibility for the man you chose? If you had taken more time to learn his character you could have identified those traits that would suggest infidelity. Even though you dropped the ball, no, it is still not acceptable for him to cheat or act inappropriately. But people also shouldn’t cut you off in traffic or not say ‘thank you’ when you hold the door open for them. You can’t control others, but you can control how you choose to respond to the situation. I know that being petty is trendy now, but your pettiness might get your feelings hurt. I am not above hurting feelings to maintain my peace of mind. You take a risk every time you decide to get bold and confront someone over some foolishness. How do you know they’re not crazy? Better not risk angering a hornet’s nest. Probably one of the best reasons to take your issue to the source instead of involving people who really aren’t a factor in your problem.


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Why Are You Blaming Me?

So now I just want to get to the nitty gritty of this post. If your man is stepping out, WHY ARE YOU ON MY LINE ABOUT IT?!? I am not in a relationship with the two of you. I don’t owe you any loyalty, and don’t try to throw me any bullsh*t about respecting your relationship. I do not know you, so I do not owe you any respect. If you’re married, then there is a certain level of respect people should have for your relationship, so I am not talking about that, but I have had girls come at me for men who aren’t even their boyfriend. That’s next level pathetic. You are mad at a stranger for not respecting your relationship instead of focusing your anger on the person who agreed to be loyal to you. tumblr_ni1nouOGii1sk4npzo1_500This is like on Maury when the alleged baby father comes onto the stage with his new piece, and the baby mama decides to throw insults at her. Backwards, much? You aren’t going to leave him anyway, because if you were, you would be busy kicking him to the curb instead of trying to beef with the profile picture on my Facebook page. Why expel so much energy just to go back to him tonight? You are going to drive yourself insane trying to police his phone and social media for other women. If a woman likes his most recent photo, why are you making it your business to tell her to leave him alone? Your jealousy is going to get the best of you, and I most likely won’t be all that friendly once you contact me because now I’m annoyed. I am not responsible for the actions of your man, so you are out of line to reach out to me. What is your motive? To get me to stop talking to him? Well you’ve succeeded because no one is worth the drama, but you haven’t really won. Once he realizes I’m over it, he’ll be on to the next. In addition, if it has been nothing but innocent conversation, you’re just pushing him away by acting crazy. Men are going to have female acquaintances, co-workers, classmates, etc and you will be the one miserable in the long run because you’re psychotic. If your dude has been having a full on affair with some chick who had no idea about you, then I’m not blaming you for maybe wanting to get a little insight. This post isn’t about you. This is for the Tommie’s from Love & Hip Hop Atlanta who make it their business to eradicate any female who even looks their man (or pretend man’s) way. Maybe your relationship isn’t even really worth it if you spend your free time lurking on girls’ Instagram photos to see if he’s liked their posts and spend the rest of your time starting drama. But hey, what do I know? All I know is I would appreciate it if you weirdos would leave me alone. This hasn’t happened to me in quite awhile, but I’m sure it will again. And I will tell you what I have told the others: “I have no interest in taken men, so I would appreciate it if you would refrain from contacting me further and take this up with him; do not make your personal problems mine, thanks!” And that’s it. I’ve had them try to start arguments and that’s when I hit them with the good ol’ block. The ‘block’ feature is the best invention since caller ID. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Never in life will you get me to argue with you about some dusty dude who has clearly shown you he isn’t worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoe. I save petty arguments for the basic birds. The moral of the story is, if you find your bae in my inbox, go take it up with bae, and let me live in peace. Deal?

Bad Vibes & Toxic People

Vibes speak louder than words. That is a fact, my friend. I can’t stand being around negative people. We all have our bad days, but some people emit negative energy like they eat negativity for breakfast. Everything is a problem for them. This goes beyond minor annoyances like sitting in traffic, troublesome co-workers, or waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Life is out to get them and only them. I HATE IT. I seek peace; it has been in my nature since I could remember. If I can avoid having to deal with people who kill my vibe or contribute stress to my life, I do that. Isn’t it enough to constantly see news regarding mass shootings, missing airplanes, Donald Trump and all of the other sad stories we are exposed to on a daily basis? Stay away from me with your ‘woe is me’ dialogue, Debbie Downer. So what is it that makes some people drown in negativity? I contribute it to their thought process. We all see the world through our own lens, so if you see nothing positive in your life, it is impossible to see the good in life. Negative people spew their negative energy to everyone around them, bringing us all down. Misery loves company, but I am not bringing balloons and wine to your pity party. tumblr_nrgnbnrqy81qkvda9o1_500What people who complain constantly often don’t notice is that they are always complaining. Know someone like this? Bring it up to them and I bet they will look at you like you’re crazy. It has to be a miserable existence to wake up every morning on the defensive. Life is definitely not a cakewalk, but it is a gift. Nope, its not fair. “Fair” is a place where you go to get cotton candy and ride the twist-a-whirl or whatever it’s called. We should all be protective of the people that we surround ourselves with. You could constantly be surrounding yourself with toxic people and not even realize it until you do an audit of the people you associate with. What do your main associates really talk to you about?  Is it their personal problems, instead of their personal accomplishments? Do they ask you about what is going on with you, or are they using you as their personal sounding board to vent out all of their issues? Do the people you work with spend all their time complaining about your boss or other co-workers? You don’t have to listen to that sh*t. Maybe I am too much of an optimist, but I try to see the good in everything. Optimist, realist, or opportunist, negative people get on my nerves. All that being said, I just wanted to go over the handful of negative types that grind my gears the most. So let’s begin, *birdman hand rub.*

The Complainer

Complaining is just one of those things that human beings do. We all have the right to vent our frustrations. I complain often about stupid drivers, annoying clients at work, and just the everyday perils of life. Not even half an hour ago I was complaining to my mom about how I need a raise for how much my workload has increased over the last couple of weeks. I am a work in progress. I’m complaining in this post about how complainers annoy me (ironic, maybe)? Either way, my point is The Complainer finds fault in everything…literally everything. “I’m bored.” “This is stupid.” “I wish I had more money.” “They gave her the raise when I’m the one doing all the work.” SHUT UP! Did you ever stop and think that no one cares? Constant complaining without making any effort to improve your situation is nothing but whining. Being around people like this will start to bring you down. If you cannot be positive, do us all a favor and be quiet. It is stressful constantly listening to someone speak about the lack of control they seem to have over their own lives. It seems as if The Complainer appreciates nothing, but expects everything. This negativity spews onto everyone else, and begiphycause complaining often becomes a habit, they often don’t realize they are doing it. I feel my stress levels rise every time I listen to someone complain, try to offer a solution, but they brush it off as nonsense. Complaining is not just an act of observing your life/surroundings and voicing your views, it actually takes effort. When you complain, you invite negative thoughts to settle in your mind and end up attracting the very things you complain about back into your life. The Complainer isn’t a bad person, they’re just giving themselves a bad experience of life. Nothing is as bad as you make it seem. When I get in a bad mood and start being negative, I stop myself. It really only makes you feel worse. If you don’t know by now that complaining about things you can’t control is a total waste of time, now you know. If you’re complaining about things you CAN control, then it obviously isn’t bothering you that much because you would have done something to change the situation by now.

The Blamer

The Blamer can really kill your vibe. This type of person has an inability to take responsibility for their actions. Avoid people like this. Nothing is ever their fault, and they will show you time and time again why they cannot be trusted. Often full of excuses, The Blamer has a reason why they f*ck up everything, and its always because of someone or something else. “I would be farther ahead in life if I had this…” “My mom did this to me so now I can’t do this…” “If you would have reminded me, I could have finished it.” Know anyone like this? Remove them from your life. They are self-absorbed and cannot see past their own immaturity. At the end of the day, the only person responsible for your affairs is YOU. You can’t blame your plight in life on being Black, being a woman, or being whatever it is that is holding you back in your mind. Of course, there are legitimate reastumblr_m6sa8i80081qggwbio1_500ons why some people can’t do some things. I can’t sing, so there’s no way I can say I failed myself at not following my dream of being Beyonce. I can, however, pick up a book so the fact that I keep dragging my feet on applying to a graduate program is my own fault. The Blamer does not realize that in order to solve their problems, they have to own them. You can’t be afraid to confront your issues. Passing the buck is what children do because they are afraid of the consequences. What is sad is that when you spend all of your time placing blame on others, you lose opportunity after opportunity to change yourself and your circumstances. With anything, the hardest part is getting started. Pay closer attention to yourself and take note of every time you try to use others as a scapegoat for your own failings. You aren’t emotionally closed off because someone broke your heart and you’re not as a**hole because of it. You are those things because you choose to not confront your own insecurity. “The Man” isn’t holding you back; you’re just too lazy to get back up after you’ve been knocked down. If you are a blamer, do us all a favor and keep that behavior to yourself until you can reevaluate your life.

The Pessimist

The type of negative person that seems to bring me down the most is The Pessimist. Pessimistic people walk around with no hope, and make you feel crazy for seeing the good in any given situation. I would be miserable if every time I was confronted with a negative situation, I basically threw in the towel. What is life if you have no hope? You can be broke, living in the street but if you have even just a smidgen of hope, you’ll see it through. Sure, the night is dark and full of terrors (Game of Thrones reference in case you didn’t know), but why should the possibility of bad things happening keep you from being happy or taking chances? Any person with common sense is able to tell when something is a lost cause, but The Pessimist thinks anything with a chance of a failed outcome is a total waste of time. Hand a pessimist lemons to make lemonade, and they will say what’s the point without any sugar and water? As I said previously, I prefer to be calm and peaceful, but people with this mentality make me want to slap the taste outta their mouth. I can’t be around them. Even if being optimistic doesn’t do much more for you than being tumblr_n308ga30zk1s4xucdo1_500pessimistic, at least you’ll be happier while everything is falling apart. You absolutely have to change your perspective if you don’t want to be miserable. Negative people like this think that having low expectations will save them from pain and disappointment, but that’s not true. You’re just wasting your existence. Wake up, Eeyore. Having low expectations won’t save you, its just going to bring more negativity into your life. Its a vicious cycle. You think your shitty attitude proves you right everything something bad happens, but bad things keep happening to you because that is the energy you are emitting. You might as well walk around with a “My Life Sucks” target on your head, because bad things are going to keep coming your way, pessimist. Change your perspective. I am sure that it is difficult to kick out years and years of negative thought patterns from your mind, but it is possible. Perception is reality. If you perceive things as being good, good things will come to you. It may seem silly, but it really is true. Try it out and see how your life starts to adjust accordingly. Its the least you can do so that you can stop torturing we positive folk in the meantime. Change your thoughts and thank me later.