“Keep your lust locked up in chambers, only those who pass your gates of love should be allowed to enter such levels.”
Celibacy. Self-imposed, maybe by default. After the months continue to go by, does it really matter the origin of the circumstance? I would know. I’ve done it. I’m currently doing it. Is it easy? No. Is there pressure? Duh.
I didn’t wake up one morning and have an epiphany that made me want to lock up the goods and hide the key. No one broke my heart, I didn’t have a rebellious phase that made me want to calm down. Before I knew it, it had just been awhile. And then an even longer while. Eventually I noticed that I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything so I figured why not keep going? Choosing to be celibate doesn’t mean you can’t date or enjoy the company of the opposite sex. We’re grown ups, it isn’t offensive to know that a man wants to have sex with you. However, knowing you aren’t giving out what’s so highly desired actually makes you feel powerful.
What’s The Point?
You’re not a virgin. He’s not a virgin. What are you waiting for? Everyone lately has had an opinion of Ciara and Russell Wilson’s vow of celibacy. Whether you believe it or not, this is what they are portraying. Why would two people who are attracted to each other and clearly have already established a bond put sex on hold? Apparently it was Russell’s idea, and after his previous marriage didn’t last due to infidelity, perhaps this was his method of ensuring his next relationship was the real deal. We’ve all had our hearts stepped on at least once and it sucks, to put it lightly. When you’re involved with someone and take sex out of the equation, you’re forced to view them as the person they are. Your judgement isn’t jaded by lust. Most people view celibacy as an undertaking of a single person so it is hard to understand why you wouldn’t want to connect with someone you’re in love with on such an intense level. I’ll admit, I don’t know how they’re doing it. It’s natural to want to get physical with someone you’re attracted to only on a physical level. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to be totally in love with someone and remain hands off until marriage. What if you never make it to that point? What if you get there and realize you aren’t sexually compatible? Would you feel as if you wasted your time? If it doesn’t work out, do you leave the relationship feeling a sense of pride because while you invested your full 100%, he still didn’t have the privilege of sampling your most sacred possession? As a man, is this going to make someone’s true colors show faster? Most men would laugh at the idea of being celibate. If it isn’t for religious reasons, why would you voluntarily subject yourself to an indefinite period of horniness and sexual frustration? Furthermore, why would you continue it once you actually find the person who makes you want to settle down? Maybe we put too much emphasis on sexual gratification. A person has so much more to offer than what’s hidden in their jeans. Perhaps we should take more time to uncover what is in someone’s mind instead of trying to uncover what’s underneath their clothes.
You may have heard about how sexual energy can be transferred between two people. If you haven’t, click here. The more you interact with someone, the more you take in their energy. Think about that. If you’re dealing with someone that seems to be of low morality, questionable character, etc., you are allowing that energy into your body. I am a firm believer that negative energy impacts your life in negative ways. Is sex important enough that you will cloud your aura with negativity? There are people who have sex on the first night or in the early stages of meeting someone and have gone on to have successful relationships. The article in the link above explains that you must find a way to release the sexual energy of those you’ve engaged with that may not be very desirable. Until the person you are sexually involved with finds a way to cleanse their sexual energy as well, you will carry around all of their prior partners. Give it a read. It’s quite interesting.
I Have Needs!
Hormones are tricky. One day you’re feeling strong and like you have everything under control. Next thing you know, Mr. Potential texts you and asks about dinner and drinks. You start to feel a little weak. What do you do? Remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Do you want to sabotage all of your progress for one night? It really isn’t worth it. The majority of people that you come across will never make it past the stage of casual dating, so hold out. What’s even harder? Falling into a moment with someone and having to refocus yourself. I think that at times we overestimate our willpower. I also think that we are professionals at lying to ourselves. If you end up alone with someone you are attracted to, the temptation levels skyrocket. Add in alcohol and they shoot through the roof. In a perfect world, we would never put ourselves in a situation that would deter us from our goals.Don’t even allow yourself to be put into a situation that you know you’re not strong enough to resist. But do you ruin the moment by backing out once things get heated? Yes, that’s exactly what you do if you know this isn’t the right time. On the flip side, this could be a person that is passing all of your tests and meeting all of your criteria. In your mind, you could easily justify this the next morning. What’s the big deal? The big deal is that you allowed your horniness to cloud your judgement. You haven’t taken the time to reevaluate this person on your own time to decide whether or not the time is right. Furthermore, if this person begins to pressure you, then you already know it’s a dead end. A person who cares for you will never pressure you for sex. Period.
It’s Been Fun But…
When is the right time to end a period of celibacy? Do you wait until you find someone worth it or do you end it when the drought has become too much to bear? It really is a personal decision that should only be influenced by you. Personally, it will continue until I know I have found someone worth my while. No amount of horniness is worth several months of self-discovery, reflection and empowerment. While the opinions of others have never been a deciding factor on how I choose to conduct myself, people tend to respect any type of decision that is helping you better yourself. If your hormones have kicked you in the A and the vibrator just isn’t doing for you anymore, that’s fine too. Everyone is different. In no way am I putting down those who choose to fully indulge in their sexual freedom. The beautiful thing about the time and place we live in is that there are no holds barred on whom you can be intimate with. The thing with women is that we often lie about what we want. Sure, a no strings attached arrangement may sound good, but deep down many of us know that we would always desire something more. Men catch feelings too, but unless you’re showing signs that you may be different, when they say they don’t want any of the extras, they usually mean it . Since that is normally the case, how about we take the time to expose someone’s true intentions by thoroughly getting to know them. Not having sex with someone won’t keep you from getting your heart broken. You can’t use celibacy as a shield from the scary world of dating. If you’re choosing this route, use it to empower yourself. Learn about what you want from someone without letting your hormones kick things into overdrive too quickly. Lust is controllable.